i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
