Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize