3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
