he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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