i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
