Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
