listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
please come you make the beer taste better
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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