I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
