you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
