How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
