im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Even my vagina gasped.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
