I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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