Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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