Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
