Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
