The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
