babies were throwing up all over the place
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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