He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
