I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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