im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
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There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
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Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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