Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
