I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
