in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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