That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
