there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
