She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Randomize
