I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
