Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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