I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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