like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
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your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
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Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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