you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
