cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
