He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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