if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
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The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
wow bdsm is so cute
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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