Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
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For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
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I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize