batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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