Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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