I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
