For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
