Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize