haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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