he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
