this beer tastes like vomit already
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
