Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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