i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
