He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
