In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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