I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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