God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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