i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
