One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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