So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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