I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
