hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
