So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
