I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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