Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
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So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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