I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
