swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
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im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
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when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
They have beer where we have blood.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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