it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
