yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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