How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
