dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
