Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
